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Today will never happen again. Do not start it with a bad impression thst things are difficult.. and that you cannot master anything.

Remember, you are not born to fail and taking a second chance is an option… you are born to make it good… its all in the mind.

Just when im thinking of how awful this day had been and miserable my life is (exage) this innocent-im-not-certain-if-intended forwarded text message from a friend beepded out of my  celfone’s screen.

Isnt it wonderful how things, incident, situation seems to come, fall into places exactly at the right time and moment just when you needed it. :)  Have u experienced such?

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Maraming mamatay, walang muling mabubuhay, ang hallow ay ang bagay na kapag nbuo ay magbibigay sau ng kapangyarihan na kontrolin ang kamatayan..

Sa kabila ng paghihigpit ng mga "kinauukulan" at pagnanais na sabay sabay mailabas sa buong mundo ang kopya ng pinakaantay na final installment ng HP series (Deathly Hallow), isang pahayagan sa US (New York Times) ang nakakuha ng kopya ng libro nang mas maaga sa tinakdang panahon at agad ay nkapaglabas ng review: "Harry POtter, Good old fashioned Closure"

Sa kabila ng warning ng author ng kilalang site ng mga muggle na maaring maglaman ng spoiler ang nasabing review…  hindi ako ngdalawang isip n i-click ang link.

http://www.nytimes.com/2007/07/18/books/18cnd-potter.html?ref=books

hindi nmn ako nagsisisi. :p

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Minsan akala mo kialala mo na yung sarili, yung tunog ng boses mo, yung manner ng pagkilos mo… hehe, nakakatawa lng marealize na feeling mo npka-sweet mong tumingin, un pala  nakakatakot at parang mamatay tao na pla ang naipproject mo…

HIndi mo pla tlga ganun kabisado ang sarili mo. :)

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Sa aking pag-iisa.. ang yakap mo ay hanap-hanap ko… Haplos ng iyong kamay ay pilit ko paring ginagaya… habang hawak ko ang larawan mo, at nagiisa.

Kung magkikita tayong muli.. hindi ko na ikukubli na nais madama muli ang iyong pag-ibig kahit sandali… Ibigin mo ako ngayon at bukas ay iwanan mo ako, ng bagong alaala sa aking pag-iisa.

Pathetic… dont be someone like that…

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Isnt it funny how one simple thing, one simple word can change your day in a flash from one disposition to another without you actually noticing that you’re being drag to something, a phenomenon unexplainable by words? hay.

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animoy patalim… dahan-dahang bumabaon sa bawat himaymay … nararamdaman ko… habang tumatagal damang-dama ko ang pag-usad ng kirot…ang unti-unting paglala ng sakit at dusang nadarama… parang hindi ko n kaya… masakit… gusto kong humiyaw… ayawko na… pero wala akong magawa… patuloy parin sa pagbaon… sa pagkirot..

Katanghaliang tapat. Sa gitna ng malalim na pgmumuni at pagtitimbang kung maliligo ba muna o kakain ng tanghalian…

hindi sinasadyang naptingin ako sa isang papel na nakadikit sa dingding ng tulugan ko…

biglang bigla…

naalala kita…

parang tubig sa talon, sunod sunod na bumulusok ang mga ala-ala at binaha ang aking isipan…ang mga ngiti mo, ang mga kwentuhan, ang mga tawanan natin…  ang mga sinabi mo.. ang mga pangako mo…

napangiti ako…

subalit parang kisap mata, hindi ngtagal parang nahimasmasan…

animo’y natuyong disyerto, nwala ang mga masasayang ala-ala, napalitan ng kasalukuyan… ng masaklap na katotohonan…

parang may dumagan sa dibdib ko…

"nasan k n nga ba ngayon?"

naitanong ko sa sarili…

muling sumilip sa balintataw ang mga katagang binitawan mo…

ang mga salita ng pangakong hindi magawawakas…

parang may kumirot sa kaibuturan ng damdamin…

maya-maya pay, humapdi ang mata…

naliligo na pla ako sa pawis…

huminga ako ng malalim, bumuntong hininga…

tumayo ako at kinuha ang tuwalya… maliligo na ko.

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Minsan…sa kabila ng kabusy-han sa buhay at sang katerbang pagkaka-abalahan at pagkakapaguran… may point ata talaga sa life ng isang tao na bigla ka nlng mapapahinto sa gingawa… mapapabuntong hininga… mapapatingin sa pinakamalapit na kalayuan…at mpapa-isip ng malalim… "Ano nga kayang ulam for lunch?"

Hay… Its like, two months nalang board exam na… so far ang mga ka-batch ko ay abala na sa pag-aayos ng mga papeles at nag-ccmula na ulit mag-enrol sa mga review centers.. samantalang ako, sa kabilang banda… heto… petix (tama ba ung spelling?)

i know… kung gusto maraming tlgang paraan… *ting* oops! there goes a bright idea.. cge, i’ll go na and do something– worthwhile… uhu..

besides, im hungry nrin tlga. :)

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DEar Blogy,

Hay… Its been like, what– a month already since i posted something on you? Disappointing… i know.

Hay, If only i have the time, the money, and of course, the brilliant idea… i could have always posted something on you…unfortunately… hehe..

Blogy, as you might have known… i’m havin a hard time right now… weird, but yeah…im havin a hard.

i dont know what to do anymore…. what to prioritize and what not… hay… Im not even sure if i really wanted to share every detail to you… Hmmm….

(i’ve decided not to)

I know… this might be, for you, another one hell of a kulang-sa-pansin blog entry… i understand…everyone’s entitled to their opinion.

UHm…I would like to share further some of the most non-sense thing, about life, love, friendshipand what not… but unfortunately, im not allowed to do that (for some technical reasons)… i guess i have to end it here….

So till next time then…

(i just wished i was really talking to someone…uhm… on second thought.. *iling-iling* nehh!!! :)

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After spending two and a half hour of playing the not-so-loved-by-teen (it’s actually a sarcasm) pc game, DOTA. I never thought i’ll be convincing myself of going back to the pc shop and add an entry to my kulang-sa-pansin na blog. (ouch) uhm… well, i really dont know how to start… (heheh?)
It has been a long but enjoyable two and half hour, exploring the so-much-fuzzed DOTA, i have decided to call it a day and retire home when i had this not-really-unusual, but not-that-considerably-normal experience, or maybe?
I remember checking my belonging for the last time and finally thanking the shop owner (for..uhm– giving my change? i really cant tell- its been a habit) before stepping out of the pc shop. I was about to reach for the door, when a girl and her company managed to reach the knob first, there’s nothing much about them, its just that they opened the door so slowly and walked pass it as if they have all the luxury of time - not considering that im getting darn irritated waiting for them to clear the path. At anyrate, after several minutes i was able to get through them and was able to reach the stairs first (exit is down)…
*My blog entry for today could have ended here if not for what happened next*
Half way the stairs, i heard an obviously surprised feminine voice, "Uy, kuya totoy!!" having a similar nick at home my attention was caught. Wondering who the name-caller be, i turned my head… and boom, dilemma start.
A girl, with a typical filipina-student look, clad in typical orange blouse and blue jeans was stepping down the stairs, looking at me, smiling and mouthing words, which reads to me like "anong ginagawa mo dito?" To my wonder, i just stared…frowned a bit… and stared further.
While the scanning feature of the eyes function, my neurons were busy sending and retrieving data from my recent and remote memory in the depth of my white matter, rummaging and almost digging to infinite folders of memory and events to match an identity to the details of this girl who called my name. To my surprise, and panic, my brain retrieved nothing…
Whaah!!! who is this girl?!?!
She is getting closer… and closer.
With the look in her eyes, i can feel that she really knew me.
She is stepping further down the stairs… ASking the same question and adding "kmusta na?"
Who is this girl?? the question bombards my starting to panic consciousness. Physically, im restraining my self from manifesting awkward expressions of utter awe, doubt, and panic ( im controlling not to turn and walk away, and pretend i haven’t heard anything) As mush as possible not showing any affect in fear that she might be referring to someone else behind my back.
She’s almost at the last flight of the stairs…i tried to glance behind for the latter and hoped, but found no one. I can hear her mentioning to her girl company, "ate, si kuya totoy… magaling yan!"
Oh my gosh.. this girl must have been really referring to me..:) (kapal ng mukha) with that, my brain cells has decided this girl must really knew me.
Now… what’s next? my conscience telling me…
I could have utilized the Hi!-mbuti-ako,-kaw-musta-ka-na’s and a little bit of san-ka-nagyon’s then just left after her reply and pretend that i’m in a hurry to another apointment. But then again, that’s not me. its over pretentious. I feel it quite rude..
On the other hand, I could have opt for being honest and telling her that i dont remember her… but it requires guts and superb tactfulness which unfortunately, i dont have. What will i do?
There’s actually another means of handling this situation.. i know… but my consiousness is overwhelmed by the anxiety… the sympathetic system which is responsoble for the fight-or-flight mechanism seems to have opt for the flight a while ago, was now exhausted (never mind… medical blah)
Anyway, i just cant opt for any of the two… it requires a lot of everything which i dont have… so, I… I combined them. (yeah, yeah… pretentious… rude… i know)
Back to the tactile world, i realized she’s now beside me… and was ushered to walking along with them…the kamusta-ka-na’s began and the pretend-i-know-you part commenced.. My actual plan was to get necessary data or desperately anything that may help me associate a memory which hopefully contained even a mursel of this girl’s identity..
The conversation continued and the plan seemed to be falling into place… though I faltered and had several funny questions (i find it funny to ask something which i thought she know, about my alma mater for instance) i think the plan is meeting its goal. Good thing the girl was nice and was very modest, she’s not difficult to be with.
In the process i realized that the girl was a former neighbor and that we havent really talked much… that’s why i dont remember her (obviously, i dont want to blame my memory for this one).

Anyway, the conversation ended as we have to branch ways (thank God)I dont know if she felt the tension, but in my opinion, it went smoothly… besides if she really knew me, she wont be surprised. Hay… I dont know if i really did the right thing… but then, that’s what happened. :)

I’m not sure if I have to hate DOTA. I could have gone and finished this entry earlier if not for these wild-hyperactive-dirty-mouth students playing the game.. Every now and then, someone is pounding the table and yelling nasty obsceneties evrytime their character will be attacked. And it disturbs me so much… especially now that i need lot of focus… im using english. hay.. :) anyway.. i really dont know how to end this… so… ciao? :)
if ever the girl im refering to in this entry have read this entry… i’ll never forget you now.. ;)

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Bago ako umupo sa harapan ng pc na ito… i know (deep in my heart- hehe) and im sure na may ilalagay ako- ittype ba. Pero… tsenen! :) Eto, blanko nnmn ako… *grin*

Ah! tama, i remember na…:)

Itutuloy ko nga pala yung isang entry dito…ung inabutan ng closing? ung may kwan, tungko sa julubi? (parang ang awkward namng magpa-alala,nway:)

Ang totoo, wala na sana akong balak ituloy pa un… (u know nmn, past is past –*koneksiyon?*) I just had the thougt of continuing it when a dear friend, tawagin nlng natin siya sa pangalang Nicole (di tunay na pangalan) who happened to have read the previous entry, forecasted (or ask ata?) this thoughts to me…

"… Parang ngguilty ka ba kasi ginagawa nung matandang ginang yung dapat ikaw ang gumagawa…?" (basta parang gnun ung statement… cenxia na.:)

In response to the question… wala, silence.. and smile din pala. :) pero nung moment na un, i was thinking, reflecting… ganun nga ba ung saloobin ko sa issue na un?

Sa lipunan natin ngaun, kung saan ang mga mabuti at masamang gawa ay napaghihiwalay ng napaka-nipis na linya, i just cant say na ng-guilty nga ako on the grounds na hindi ako ang nagbibigay ng limos…

Sa dami ng mapagsamantala, sa dami masamang bisyo na pdeng kahinatnan ng nilimos mo…Siguro nmn everyone can understand.

Hmm.. though sa kabilang banda, i could have been… pero hindi tlga eh, i hadnt had any affection towards dun sa nilimusan… (parang ang mean noh) pero seriously, kahit sino i guess would feel the same if they saw ung nilimusan nung ginang… nasa 40’s na babae, on good condition… pedeng-pede pa syang magtrabaho… Sobrang layo ng pagkakaiba kumpara dun sa ginang na nagbigay ng limos which sa kalagayan nya dapat ay nagpapahinga nalang at inaalagaan…

Sa tingin ko, ang totoo, masnagi-guilty ako dahil wala akong nagawa para sa ginang na nagbigay ng limos.. para kasing nung sandaling yun parang napakaself-less ng ginawa nya… hindi man lang nya ngawang isipin ang sarili nya.. ang pkiramdam ko tlga nun parang she deserves a reward… o kaya ay hug (corny?)… kahit sana haplos sa balikat… Hay… and i can’t give her that…

May katwiran ba yun? hay…  :)

Hay.. cguro npaka wierd yung pkiramdam… pero gnun eh…

But then, yun lng…

Narealize ko, as I was about to click that save button… Hindi ko pala tlga alam ang nararamdaman ko regarding the issue, not until now (awhile ago)… sobrang dami kasing saloobin, damdamin…pero ayan.. atleast though may na isolate ako… Kasang-a sang-ayon ba yun? Hehe… cge na… :)

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